Just The Tip Of The Iceberg...

I talk about my family often, so if you know me, you know that I hold my grandmother on a platform as an example of the woman I strive to be.  She was loving and nurturing, but she was strong.  She raised smart, kind, strong children who became smart, kind, strong parents of smart, kind, strong children. There was nothing that she couldn’t do if she wanted to and she did a lot.  She worked hard.  She was inventive and creative and could always find a way to accomplish whatever needed to be done.  But for all of the things I could say about Josephine,.  I never would have said that she was playful.

That is, until I saw some newly discovered photos of the young girl who had not yet become a wife, a mother, a grandmother.  She was eating watermelon, making faces, and clearly horsing around with her brothers.  In hindsight, I realize I saw that in her.  She had a sly sense of humor, but was very quick and quiet about showing it.  She, well into her late 80s, could still play pool (one handed!) like the shark she learned to be at her brothers’ sides.  And, now that I think about it, the way she helped her grandchildren learn Readin’ Ritin’ and ‘Rithmetic was done through games, rhymes, and songs.  She DID have a playful silly side!

Still, I never would have said that she was sentimental.  In my family, I think I carry the sappy torch of schmaltzy remember-whens that make everyone else roll their eyes.  I never would have guessed that my grandmother had that in her.  The other day, however, my mother and I were talking about fabric and quilts, which reminded her of the time my grandmother made a wedding ring pattern quilt for her youngest child – my aunt Ruth – with fabric from Ruth’s dresses and clothing over the years.  You could have knocked me over with a feather with that revelation.  My stoic, practical grandmother had an emotional connection with fabric scraps!?!

Now, she’d been quilting all of my life.  Every family baby was welcomed with a quilt made by her hands.  Of course, I knew those quilts were made with love and devotion.  They were all received with love and a bit of reverence for the heart and hands that made them.  I just never realized that those sentimental feelings were a two way street. 

This new insight to a woman I thought I understood just made me think of the old iceberg adage.  We’ve all heard the expression “just the tip of the iceberg”.  It’s generally intended to say that there is so much more to a situation than one can easily see.  Sometimes, that can mean things that seem simple are actually very complex.  Sometimes, it’s used as a warning that the worst of a situation is yet to come.  Sometimes, however, it’s delivered as advice to persist because beyond the good that you can see, there is only more bounty to come.

The Josephine that I knew was just a tiny portion of who she really was.  And I think, if we’re being honest with ourselves, that rings true for all of us.  No matter how much we say we’re open and present our whole selves, there’s no real way to display all of the ingredients that make us who we are.

My kids used to love those little scratch art sheets that, at first glance, are a sheet of one matte solid (usually dark) color.  Using the tip of a little plastic pencil, they’d scratch away the solid and reveal the bright rainbow of color that lay beneath.  Life’s kind of like that:  scratch away the darkness to reveal the beautiful picture.  The catch is, if you scratch it all away, you’re left with nothing but a meaningless blob of color.  It's the dark veneer that holds the shape.

Likewise, it’s the deep-set foundation that gives the iceberg strength.  We see what’s visible.  If we get closer and stick around a bit, it becomes clear that there’s more below the surface than we first saw.  I once saw a quote (sorry, don’t recall who said it):  “Personality is the tip of the iceberg someone shows you.  Character is their true foundation.”

With this in mind, I will continue to be surprised by the base at the iceberg of every person I meet and I hope we all experience more awe and beauty and less “Titanic”..