I realize I’ve spent the last 18 or so years shielding myself from a lot of the world. Having children gave me a buffer that I often used and appreciated. My husband’s health issues early in our marriage warranted use of that shield. The pandemic and his frequent and long hospitalizations strengthened the absolute need for that barrier.
My kids are teenagers now and don’t need – or WANT – me to protect them anymore. My husband and partner in potential adventure is no longer with us. It’s just me on the couch with two persnickety dogs. I’m mostly OK with that. I don’t mind being alone to putter around the house with no expectations on my shoulders.
Lately, I’ve been pushing myself to get up off of the couch and go back out into the world a little. Baby steps – I’m going to places filled with familiar faces and warm hugs. That’s pretty easy. But then came invitations to step further outside my comfort zone and I’ve been nudging myself away from the No Thank You zone into the Yes, Sure, Why Not territory
I was invited to an event in town that I knew I’d enjoy but didn’t know the person who invited me very well. When thinking about getting there, I was a little concerned about my struggle with driving at night. When someone’s in the passenger seat to help guide me, it’s not so bad but I was on my own. So, I took a deep breath, accepted convincing encouragement from the more experienced teens and downloaded Uber.I took my very first rideshare and was pleased! Ive obviously taken cabs and local trains and buses, but this was foreign territory,
On the way there, the driver was silent and efficient. On the way home, after a fantastic fun night out, that driver was friendly, chatty, and we had great conversation. It was during that ride that I made another outside-the-box decision, I’ve been invited to a sibling gathering at my brother’s house in Maryland and I think I’ve decided to take the train from Atlanta to Baltimore! Why not? The teens will be in school, don’t need me at home, why add the miles to my car and my psyche?
I’ve flown plenty – thanks to a heavy travel job – and used to enjoy it but since 9/11, it’s not fun anymore, I’m not worried about terrorists, but the safety protocols have sucked the joy out and the airline industry has cancelled the comfort so now I only fly when necessary. I also never had any interest in cruises. The idea of being trapped in a fancy resort hotel on the ocean never appealed to me. But I’m reconsidering.
Many friends rave about the International Blues Cruise. Maybe that’s for me. Or perhaps a Mississippi Riverboat Cruise is the way to go. That seems like something I’d love. I’m considering planning a sisters (and mom) river cruise and looking into that. If I can get a handle on my sea sickness (I puke every time I’m on a sailboat), maybe that’s for me!
All I really know for certain is that I’m the only one who has any real say in what I do. My husband and I were a terrific team – figuring it out together. I hold all the cards now and, for better or worse, can drive the bus, board the train, set sail, or just travel in my mind. What an adventure it will be!
If I get back up off this couch.
