Clean Slate...

Nearly every day, I’m reminded that my life is a clean slate and I can write any kind of story I want. I know that to be true. My teenagers don’t require much more than food and water (and gas and concert ticket money). I’ve left town without them twice and returned to a house still standing. Perhaps now is the time to set chalk to that slate. But it’s just not that easy.

Have you ever bought fresh paints and canvas, or new pens and paper and been at a total loss for what to create? That’s where I sit. I know my story is in my power. I know it’s mine to write. But this blank slate is daunting! I been adrift so long – both in life and career – that I don’t even know where to begin and the things that I used to know have changed so much that they don’t recognize me any more than I recognize them!

When trying to return to the work force full time, just getting a foot in the door is tricky. I’ve done so many vastly different things in my work life that it’s hard for anyone who doesn’t know me to understand the voyage that brought me here. One thing I know for sure is that I work hard for anyone who brings me in and there’s very little that I won’t do well. I always find a way.

I think, for most people, moving forward in life is a bit like putting together a puzzle. Flip the pieces, sort the edges, review the photo on the box, and fit the pieces together. For me, my pile of pieces are what fell out of random boxes and I picked the up along my way here. I have no idea what the picture is supposed to be. The pieces don’t fit, so some razoring and the occasional sledgehammer are necessary.

The other day, I was looking for something under the clutter on my dresser and was reminded of this box.  Apparently, when I’m at a fork in the road, I get creative. At one particular “where do I go from here” phase, I got busy with magazines, scissors, and glue and decoupaged everything that was standing still. Most of these things – picture frames, coin banks, whatever – were passed along to others, but I kept the box. 

I think it just screams “ME!” so I kept it. Inside are little trinkets with memories of my life thus far. They’re all very special items that take me back to a time and place to remind me of who I am. Puzzle pieces.

 Perhaps, instead of focusing on the blank slate that stands before me, I need to think about ways to reconfigure the puzzle pieces in a way that makes me fit with the picture on whatever box wants me to climb in.

Or maybe, I’ll just pull out fingerpaints and my slate won’t be blank much longer.

 

Going Into Business...

 

 I told my kids I’m thinking about starting my own business. They asked what kind – what would I sell? I told them I was thinking of a business they really needed to research and learn and that I was going to call it NunYa, MindYown, and StayOuttaMy. That’s the business I want them to inherit. They rolled their eyes as expected but I’m not joking!

I’ve done my best to expose my own kids to the world. We talk about what we see on the news, we talk about their opinions on everything and I’ve encouraged kindness in whatever they do. Since they were born, they’ve been a part of our adult world with a wide variety of people, lifestyles, faiths, and personal and political opinions. I think that is the best way to encourage them to be thinking, loving, well-rounded humans.

In doing this, I’ve also had to teach them that their friends may not have had the advantage of that kind of personal freedom. Not all suburban parents are quite so open hearted and don’t always share the ugly parts with their kids so when in the company of others, it’s best to just leave their ears and hearts open while keeping their mouths shut. That worked out pretty well when they were younger. The teen years are a different story.

Giving anyone – but especially kids – access to cell phones and internet gives them new freedom to explore and express themselves. So they do. If we use any kind of social media, we see it every day. I remind my kids that words don’t go away. Anything said – either out loud or on the internet – lasts forever, Rumors and gossip don’t just go away because you may have changed your opinion of the person about whom you spoke.

When I listen to teenagers talk, I’m mortified by the things I hear. I heard So and So is a rapist, that 18 year old guy is a pedophile because he has a 17 year old girlfriend, I’m pretty sure that dude who left town is in a psych ward, and so on. These are the news reports being broadcast and repeated across the internet, in chat rooms and text messages with no regard for the repercussions of those words. In their young minds, they think they’re doing the right thing when they make these statements – that they’re saving potential victims. They argue that to not say these things is “protecting the bad guy, victim blaming, ignoring what’s happening” or whatever the current babble is.

This is a good time for me to pull out the old advice they always get: there are 3 sides to every story and the truth always lies in the middle. Reporters verify facts and confirm sources before a story is aired. Then I pull out the old Rotary Club statement they’ve heard a thousand times: Is It True? Is It Fair To All Concerned? Will It Build Goodwill? Will It Be Beneficial To All Concerned? If the answer to any of those questions, is No, then keep your mouth (or keyboard) shut and verify your facts before you say anything.

My own kids have been hurt by baseless vicious gossip and friendships have suffered. To this, I say that a true friend would talk TO you, not ABOUT you and when a person is talking about someone else to you, you can be sure they’re talking about you to someone else. It’s a good rule of thumb. Of course, I recognize that saying these things to teens may not be received right away but I trust that they’ll get it sooner or later.

Meanwhile, I’ll keep building and minding my own business and leave the door open for my kids to join me in the offices of NunYa, MindYown, and StayOuttaMy. We’re open 24/7 and are always hiring.

Recharging The Batteries...

 

My brother-in-law called me one day. I was startled and a little frightened by his name on caller ID because he has never called me before. Did something happen to my sister!?! Is everyone OK? Thankfully, everything was fine. He just had a kooky idea that all of the Alberts should go to Baltimore for a baseball game.

After he called me, he proceeded to call each and every one of my siblings. We all reacted the same way – is everyone OK? You have never called us! Way to scare the crap out of us. They live in St. Louis. The rest of us are scattered across the country. Furthermore, none of us really care about sports. We should drop everything and go to Maryland for a game?

Then the phone call chain started – each of us calling another to talk about that crazy call and his hare-brained idea. The more we talked, the more we understood that maybe it wasn’t so crazy. I don’t think any of us was really excited about the actual game, but it’s been a rough few years. Maybe we should recharge the familial battery.

We’ve ALL been challenged. I became a widow, of course, but there have been life changes and battles for most of us. Our brother in Maryland – the guy we’d be descending upon – has had THREE brain surgeries in the last couple of years and very recently had a mild stroke. We’ve all had heavy loads to bear. Why not gather for some fun?

Sadly, we couldn’t all squeeze this trip into our schedules, but we were able to represent Denver, St. Louis, and Atlanta in the city we once called home. My nephew organized tickets for the St. Louis Cardinals v/s Baltimore Orioles game. Plane tickets were booked. I was travelling on my own for the first time in a very long time, so I thought I’d try something new.

I boarded a midnight train from Georgia – that was something new! Other than quick little commuter trips, I’d never travelled by train before. It was cheaper than a plane and less stressful than making the drive. I loved every second of it. The other passengers were friendly and it was a very communal atmosphere. I walked around, went to the dining car for coffee, chatted, and napped. When I arrived in Baltimore, I was greeted by my best friend from 5^th grade, We dined and chatted until she had to leave then my spare brother – family friend from our Baltimore days – picked me up to take me to my brother’s house.

From there, it was hugging, talking, and just general family bonding. We toured the old haunts, and told the old remember-when stories and talked about the people we knew back then and reviewed the Where Are They Now information that we had. My brother’s house is old (built in 1800) and the grounds are expansive, so exploring it was delightful. The bigger delight was just being able to see one another to confirm that we’re all still standing and thriving.

So I’m happy for that startling phone call. I’m thankful that my kids urged me to go and assured me that my home would still be standing when I got home (it is!) and I’m glad for all of the quality time spent with siblings I rarely see. A bit of time with my friend was a nice bonus. I’m grateful for the new experience with the train and I’m going to do it again at the next opportunity.

I came home feeling refreshed and ready to forge ahead with whatever comes next. My familial battery has been charged. That means MY battery has been boosted, too. Onward!