I've never been one of those people
with a lot of close friends. I mean, I have a lot of acquaintances
who all have a special place in my life, but I've always keep the
number of those people in low single digits. Perhaps that's just a
by-product of having a large family. I never had to look outside my
front door for a sounding board, a buddy, a shoulder, or a voice of
reason. At least that's what I've always thought.
A recent conversation with my mother
made me take a closer look. She was talking about her own
realization that she has friends. I mean, she has always had that
small handful of people that have always been there, and that she
trusted would always be there but never reached out for more. But,
you know, she's a really nice, pretty interesting person and people
are naturally drawn to her. She was sitting at a lunch table, with a
group of people she's been meeting for lunch regularly for a couple
of years and realized those people were her friends! What a
revelation! They've been there for one another and helped one
another, without fail. Wow.
That conversation – like so many
conversations - led us to my grandmother. My mother's mother,
Josephine. I never thought of my grandmother as having girlfriends.
She was too serious, too busy, too Josephine to be bothered with such
things! Sure, I knew that she had a regular group of ladies that she
quilted with, who gathered in a church basement to cut and plan and
stitch. Surely, there was friendly chatter, but I never saw it for
what it was.
When my grandmother passed, I went with
my aunt to that church basement to purchase quilts that she had so
lovingly stitched. Imagine my surprise when I saw those quilting
ladies, with tears in their eyes, and heard them talking about their
dear friend Jo. Jo! They called my grandmother Jo! They were her
friends!
At my grandmother's funeral, I was
preoccupied with my squirmy 1 year old daughter and conversation with
relatives so I missed a lot of details swirling around me.
Apparently, when her casket was carried out of the church, my
grandmother's friends – those quilting ladies – pulled out their
needles and held them high, in an honor guard salute! I missed it,
but I'm sure that Jo saw it all!
Thinking about all of this made me sit
back and take inventory of my own circle. I thought I had a pretty
good grasp of my world and the people in it. I'm friendly. I open
my arms and my heart to a lot of people but probably have never given
credit where credit is due. The people I have sorted and labeled as
'acquaintance' deserve more than that. I have friends –
a lot of them!
Of
course, this makes me look deeper. I know who my quilting
ladies are. Our stitching doesn't happen in a church basement. It
happens across many miles, for many years now. My husband has long
referred to this crew as my “Imaginary Friends”. I know, without
question, that they are 100% real. And, really, it's kind of his
fault that I know them at all.
When
he asked me to marry him, I realized I had no idea how to throw a
wedding. I was never that little girl who had it all planned out. I
cared that people I loved would be there and have a good time and I
knew that fancy bridal magazines weren't going to tell me how to do
that. So, I turned to the trusty internet to tell me what to do. I
stumbled across a chat board with simple discussion among a group of
women who were there for the same reason. We were all there for the
same reason.
Because
we weren't in the same room, there was no need to impress one
another. Simple conversation about dresses and flowers and all that
comes with weddings, led to regular conversations that revealed
personalities and true selves. Like minds and hearts came together
and a regular posse formed. We all cheered one another on, comforted
and consoled when necessary and, sometimes called one another out
when we were ridiculous. Basically, we formed real and true
friendships.
After
the weddings, we continued to talk. I flew to California to meet a
couple of the ladies and we had a blast. So we planned a gathering
of a larger group in New Orleans and we've continued to gather
whenever and however we can since then. My Imaginary Friends have
been there for me through it all...babies, funerals, challenges,
victories, and the boring day-to-day. I think they'd say the same
about me. For nearly 20 years, across the country, across the ocean,
even, they are my posse and I know I can count on them and I am
grateful to the world wide web for delivering them to me.
As
time marches on, I can't help but wonder – what will our honor
guard hold up? Keyboards? Computer mice? Cell phones? I don't
know, but I am certain we will find a way and I know that our bond
will live on through the ethers.
