I told my kids I’m thinking about starting my own business. They asked what kind – what would I sell? I told them I was thinking of a business they really needed to research and learn and that I was going to call it NunYa, MindYown, and StayOuttaMy. That’s the business I want them to inherit. They rolled their eyes as expected but I’m not joking!
I’ve done my best to expose my own kids to the world. We talk about what we see on the news, we talk about their opinions on everything and I’ve encouraged kindness in whatever they do. Since they were born, they’ve been a part of our adult world with a wide variety of people, lifestyles, faiths, and personal and political opinions. I think that is the best way to encourage them to be thinking, loving, well-rounded humans.
In doing this, I’ve also had to teach them that their friends may not have had the advantage of that kind of personal freedom. Not all suburban parents are quite so open hearted and don’t always share the ugly parts with their kids so when in the company of others, it’s best to just leave their ears and hearts open while keeping their mouths shut. That worked out pretty well when they were younger. The teen years are a different story.
Giving anyone – but especially kids – access to cell phones and internet gives them new freedom to explore and express themselves. So they do. If we use any kind of social media, we see it every day. I remind my kids that words don’t go away. Anything said – either out loud or on the internet – lasts forever, Rumors and gossip don’t just go away because you may have changed your opinion of the person about whom you spoke.
When I listen to teenagers talk, I’m mortified by the things I hear. I heard So and So is a rapist, that 18 year old guy is a pedophile because he has a 17 year old girlfriend, I’m pretty sure that dude who left town is in a psych ward, and so on. These are the news reports being broadcast and repeated across the internet, in chat rooms and text messages with no regard for the repercussions of those words. In their young minds, they think they’re doing the right thing when they make these statements – that they’re saving potential victims. They argue that to not say these things is “protecting the bad guy, victim blaming, ignoring what’s happening” or whatever the current babble is.
This is a good time for me to pull out the old advice they always get: there are 3 sides to every story and the truth always lies in the middle. Reporters verify facts and confirm sources before a story is aired. Then I pull out the old Rotary Club statement they’ve heard a thousand times: Is It True? Is It Fair To All Concerned? Will It Build Goodwill? Will It Be Beneficial To All Concerned? If the answer to any of those questions, is No, then keep your mouth (or keyboard) shut and verify your facts before you say anything.
My own kids have been hurt by baseless vicious gossip and friendships have suffered. To this, I say that a true friend would talk TO you, not ABOUT you and when a person is talking about someone else to you, you can be sure they’re talking about you to someone else. It’s a good rule of thumb. Of course, I recognize that saying these things to teens may not be received right away but I trust that they’ll get it sooner or later.
Meanwhile, I’ll keep building and minding my own business and leave the door open for my kids to join me in the offices of NunYa, MindYown, and StayOuttaMy. We’re open 24/7 and are always hiring.
