Love The One(s) You're With...

A few days ago, my family was boarding an airplane after a great week of adventure and a visit with family.  We were feeling tired, happy, loved and – for the kids, at least – excited about another plane ride.  Flying is a new experience for the kids, and they haven’t learned to dread any part of it yet.

That all changed when the ladies across the aisle made their way to their seats.  They were mother and daughter and, based on appearance, the elder woman was in her very late 80s or early 90s.  As I was busy getting my children settled, I shouldn’t have even noticed them.  Unfortunately, the scene they created meant that everyone in our section of the plane noticed them.

As the elder woman, who was rather frail-looking, made her way down the center toward her seat, her daughter shouted at her.  Rudely, loudly, with just flat out mean tone and words, she barked at her mother to hurry.  When the mother would speak, the daughter would hiss more demands through her clenched teeth.

The young gentleman in their row, who offered to sacrifice his own aisle seat for them, was stuck in this hell for the next few hours.  While the mother wept, the daughter complained.  Then ordered wine for them both.  Then complained some more.  Each time she yelled something nasty at her mother, she’d lean to the young man with a sweet smile and apologize for her mother’s behavior.  When we finally landed in Atlanta (after this poor guy tolerated that madness and had a tray of coffee dropped on his lap by a flight attendant), the daughter scolded her mother for being too wobbly down the aisle, for not going fast enough or for getting in someone’s way.  They were met with a courtesy wheelchair and I wished the attendant luck.

I took my girls into the public restroom, only to be greeted by the wheelchair attendant, the sound of a crying old woman in a stall, and the woman from the plane beating on the door for her mother to hurry and stop doing this to her, while her own tears began.  The whole scene was nothing short of abusive and it was unsettling to say the least.

At this point, I made my girls pinky swear that when I am an old frail woman, they will be kind to me.  They, in their beautiful little kid minds could not understand why or how anyone could be so mean to their mother.  “Doesn’t she love her mother?” they wanted to know.  And I had to tell them the sad truth:  That in this whacky world, sometimes people are the rudest and meanest to the people they love the most.    Thankfully, they agreed that was a stupid way to behave.

I don’t know those women’s story.  I sure don’t know what they’ve been through or how stressful it may be to have to care for someone who once cared for you.  But I do know that they are not alone.  We see behavior like this all the time and just accept it as “the way it is”.  But it isn’t the way it should be, is it?

Personally, I believe that all human beings should be kind to all other human beings.  If being kind to someone is too difficult, then they shouldn’t be in your life.  Most of us would agree with this in theory, right?  So why do so many people find it so easy to lose all manners in the presence of the people they love the most?  Slinging insults, shouting at, name-calling, berating and cutting down one’s significant other, sibling, child or parent is done so freely that it never seems to occur to the perpetrators that this is the opposite of loving behavior.

It makes me really uncomfortable to hear siblings call each other names.  No matter how much you’re smiling or think you’re being funny, it’s uncalled for.  When spouses yell and address one another with profanity-laden nicknames, it’s unacceptable.  When children (6 or 60) curse at their parents and make them feel like a burden that is just not okay.

We all know grown people who act like this.  If you look closely in the mirror, you may recognize some version of this behavior very close to home.  These people are probably also incredibly gracious, friendly and kind to perfect strangers while they are behaving so poorly with the people who know them best.  The people they love the most.

Why do strangers get the best version of us?  We save the ‘Please and Thank you’ for the people we’ll never see again in our lives and then go home, turn off the courtesy switch and lash out at the people who have a solid place in our hearts.

The kids are right.  It doesn’t make any sense at all, does it?  Kindness begets kindness.  Gentleness begets gentle reward.  Love grows more love.  Try it.  Just try it.  Ask your spouse to “Please pass the potatoes.”  Say “Thank you” when your kid cleans her room.  Call your brother by his name instead of @&%!.  If you can help someone, do it.  If someone can help you, let them.  You’ll just never know how great it can be if you don’t try.

Of course, I appreciate kindness from strangers.  There’s plenty of room in the world for it.  But just like charity, kindness should begin at home.  To adapt a song lyric (sorry, Mr. Stills):  WHEN you’re with the one(s) you love, LOVE the one(s) you’re with.