I'll Have The Soup...

I’m kind of a parable nerd.  That shouldn’t surprise anyone who knows me.  I just love a good story to address life’s challenges in a way that’s entertaining enough to make me want to remember it.  One of my favorites has always been Carrot, Egg, or Coffee.

You can read about it here but the gist of it is this:  a young woman is discussing her troubles with her mother.  Her mother takes her to the stove with three pots of water.  In one, she places a carrot, she places an egg in another, and in the third, she places coffee beans and sets them all to boil.  She tells her daughter that each of these items reacts differently when in hot water.  The carrot starts strong but becomes weak and soft.  The egg, once vulnerable and fragile, hardens.  The coffee beans, however, change the environment in which they’ve been placed.  They blend with the hot water and share their essence with it, releasing their flavor and aroma to create something pleasant.

In this scenario, I’ve always considered myself to be one of the coffee beans.  Maybe that’s just because I drink so much of the result of beans in hot water.  It felt comfortable to me.  Lately, I’m not so sure.  In this past year, there’s been plenty of hot water.  There’s been plenty of coffee in my cup and I appreciate that but I realize there’s yet another pot on the stove.

One of my other favorite parables is Stone Soup.  I’m sure you’ve heard many different versions of it but it’s a tale as old as time.  During a period of hardship – poverty and famine – when people were concerned about how they would sustain themselves and their loved ones.  Suddenly, a mysterious stranger arrives with a large pot of water.  The pot is put on the flame, and the stranger adds a stone and begins stirring the soup.

People gathered around to watch.  One by one, the townspeople came forward to add something to the pot.  One person had some cabbage to offer, another, a potato, some beef, perhaps some spices.   In the end, there was a wonderful soup.  Nourishing, full of flavor, and just what the community needed.

This has been a hard time.  For my family, for myself, for many people I love.  I just realized that while I’ve been pondering coffee beans, eggs, and carrots, I’ve also been standing over and stirring a full delicious pot of Stone Soup.

My townspeople continue to add to it.  Each ingredient brings its own unique flavor – some a bit salty, some very sweet, some healthy, some indulgent – but all provide nourishment and comfort.  What’s most amazing about this magic pot is that it never seems to empty.

I love that coffee, for sure.  I will continue to appreciate it.  When my townspeople gather to share their ingredients with me, I’ll offer them a cup.  When it comes time to feed my soul, I’ll have  a big bowl of Stone Soup, please.

 

Where There Is Light...

It’s winter.  It’s cold and dreary and my instinct is to hide under covers and wait for it to pass.  But when I do wander outside – to check the mail, to pick up groceries, whatever - I’m always surprised when I see weeds sprouting in the yard or dandelions displaying their vibrant color from between the cracks of the sidewalk.

I don’t know why this always surprises me.  That’s nature’s way, isn’t it?  Where there is Light, there is Life.

This has been a hard year for most people I know.  We’ve all been firmly planted in place by a global pandemic, just waiting for the sun to shine.  Waiting for change.  It can feel really dark and impossible and I want to return to my blanket fort to hide.  But then the light shines for a moment.

This summer, I saw the sun shine on kids – those planted seeds – as they sprouted into social warriors.  They saw injustice, they made signs, they took to the streets and marched and shouted against it (while responsibly masked and social distanced).  They taught this grown up a thing or two about growth. 

More recently, these kids had to make very mature decisions about their own education.  When adults were unwilling to control their behavior enough to protect them, they chose the safety of learning from home.  It’s tedious, it’s frustrating, but they trust that it’s right.  Since I get daily emails from their schools announcing yet another positive Covid case, I have to believe that it’s right, too.

A couple of weeks ago, a beloved middle school counselor – one who meant a lot to each of my kids and to their friends – passed away.  All these kids who knew him and respected him took it upon themselves to gather – with masks and distance – in a parking lot to pay their respects to this man and to send him off with love.  It was beautiful in that cold parking lot to see the lives that were touched by his shining light.

Walking back to the car, I can’t say I was surprised to see that dandelion standing proud and tall from a crack in the asphalt.

Here at home, things have been difficult.  My husband’s year-long struggle with his health, his mobility, and his somewhat broken spirit has weighed heavy on us all.  It’s hard to see that spring will come and the sun will shine once again.  My instinct continues to drive me back under the blankets.

You know what happens when I try to do that?  When I try to hide away in the dark?  The light keeps forcing its way through.  Sometimes, it’s when the sun hits the peephole on the front door and a tiny rainbow appears on the wall. Sometimes, it’s when a friend calls just to ask if we need anything.  Offers of kindness and generosity just keep shining.

I’ve always been kind of reserved in sharing of woe.  I am learning, however, that it’s necessary to open the curtains and let in the light.  Growth happens when the sun shines.  Where there is Light, there is Life.  To all the tenacious light bearers, I give my heartfelt thanks.  I’m learning.  We’re growing.

I'm letting the light shine.

Crooked Pots...

“Even the crookedest pots always have a lid.” That's something my mom always told me and I'm fairly certain she heard that from her own mother. I find that to be true in life but I'm never really sure if I'm the crooked pot or the fitting lid.

When I was young, my family moved around a bit. We left the St. Louis area and landed in Baltimore which shaped my identity as a happy city girl. When the 70s race riots moved into the school hallways, we packed up the tribe and moved up to the Pennsylvania/Maryland state line. We long-haired hippie Alberts stood out like sore thumbs in our new world.

The landscape of our new world was beautiful, of course. We were surrounded by nature trails, horse farms, creeks and rivers and that was great. We were also in the midst of a backwards and old-fashioned community and there was no neighborhood to roam to make new friends.

When we tromped through the woods, across the big field, and down the dirt road to wait for the school bus, we didn't really know what to expect. My older siblings probably were less happy about our situation than I was, but I still knew enough to be a little worried. After riding through the hills, across the vast acres – often slowed by an Amish buggy - I was pleasantly surprised to see that these new schools were quite modern and the teachers were forward thinking and friendly. That was a plus for me.

Of course, the other students had lived in this area their whole lives. If they didn't already know each other, their parents probably did. Kids were nice enough to me but as we settled in, my older siblings colored outside the lines enough to make teachers and administrators see me as Another Albert Kid. Fine by me. I think it's great to march to the beat of one's own drum. I dove in and joined the band (flute), joined clubs, etc. I mostly hung with the dudes. They appreciated my dude sense of humor and were more fun to be with.

Then came fifth grade science. Students were seated alphabetically, so as an Albert, I was seated next to an Arthur. Amy was a good girl. Quiet, smart, followed the rules. I talked to her. She talked back. We giggled. We got yelled at. As it turned out, she was in a lot of my classes. Not always in the next seat, but close enough that we could pass notes and share jokes. I joined girl scouts and we were in the same troop! She introduced me to other girls who were also slightly left of center and my posse grew.

Amy became my anchor. She was my cheerleader when I was weird, she was my voice of reason when I needed that. We got through puberty together and figured out who we were and what mattered. We had sleepovers, loved the same books (The Borrowers!), had inside jokes that no one else understood. She truly was my best friend. Then, just as we were about to go into high school, I moved to Florida.

I was, of course, excited to move to the beach but wondered how I would be able to start high school without my best friend, but we promised to keep in touch. So we did. We wrote letters and drew cartoons. We talked on the phone sometimes. Life went on with new friends and different experiences but we never forgot.

Over the years, we rarely communicate, but we're there when it matters. I attended her wedding and she came to mine. When travel brings us close, we try to see one another. Most importantly, she resides in a cozy nook in my memories and my heart and resurfaces when I most need the boost.

About a week ago, I was talking with my Josie about her very best friend. They met in 5^th grade and have gone through all the rough middle school years together and now, in high school, have very different lives. They live 2 blocks apart and rarely see each other but are as close as they've ever been. When they reconnect, they pick right up as though not a second has passed. I told my daughter again about Amy. She is the lid to my crooked pot.

Right after having that conversation with my daughter, I got a text message from my old friend wanting to know if I'd be home today. This evening, there was a knock on the door, and there was a smiling delivery person holding a giant bag of steaming hot food. A gift from my far away longest friend. Because I live loudly, spilling my tales of woe and display my crooked pot to everyone and she sits quietly, waiting for the right time to come in and put a lid on it before it boils over.

Thank you, my friend. You've done it again and I'm grateful for the York County Public School System's wisdom in bringing us together.  Thank you for being my lid.

 

There is no question that the year 2020 has been the Weirdest Year Ever. Never, in the history of Ever, have quite so many “interesting” things happened to so many people in the span on one year. Quite frankly, I would like a return to boring.

However, there's one thing that this year has brought us that I'm happy to have experienced: The Great Unveiling. In this year's many dark times, a bright light was cast across the world that revealed true colors and exposed unpleasant creatures living among us. It's shocking to realize that the monster under the bed is closer than you think.

When news of the pandemic came early in the year, plenty of people – myself included – brushed it off, thinking it surely couldn't be as bad as the media was saying. As time went on, as scientists and doctors knew more, I took it seriously and followed the advised precautions. That wasn't just for me, that was for all of my fellow humans. Truly, if doing such small things – wearing a mask, avoiding crowds, following simple advice – could help the world get past this thing, isn't that my responsibility as a citizen of this world?

Not everyone agrees. There are many who believe that asking your fellow humans to help another is a violation of their rights. When these people are asked to take very simple steps, what I hear them saying is “I don't care about your mother or my uncle or anyone else's well-being. I don't care about anyone but myself and I want what I want and I want it now.” People are dying at astounding rates because some very selfish people don't like to be told what to do.

I get that people aren't trusting of the talking heads on TV, but when they refuse to hear experienced scientists, concerned doctors, and exhausted nurses, that's all I need to know to see that you don't care about other people. You don't care about children in schools, you don't care about the guy who cuts your hair, you don't care about anyone but yourself. I can't change that but I thank you for showing me who you are so I can move away from you.

My husband has been in hospitals and care facilities more often this year than he's been home. This has given me a clear picture of the havoc this virus has wreaked on everyone. Patients are alone. The elderly are alone, often scared, confused, and vulnerable. Their caretakers are also vulnerable. This is real. People are dying.

I've heard the argument from the folks who don't want to be bothered with precautions that “People die from all sorts of things, why should I change the way I live?” Yes. People die. They're not all dying of Covid. But they are all dying alone. My brother went to the hospital alone. He was there ALONE for days before he died. Alone. No goodbyes, no hands to hold, no last words. Just gone. Alone. He didn't die from Covid, but Covid is why he was alone.

Doctors and scientists have been telling us for months that if we just make small mindful sacrifices – wear masks, wash hands, avoid gathering – just for a little while, we can get ahead of this thing and get back to normal. Or a new normal. But our communities are filled with selfish and single-minded people who refuse to do the smallest things to help their fellow humans. As a result, more people are infected, more people are suffering, and more people are dying. Alone.

I have a friend who lives far away from her children. Her husband has had a lifetime of chronic illness. She herself had a heart attack a couple of years ago. This couple has been basically quarantined since the beginning of the year. They only go out to take walks, to do minor grocery shopping in the early hours of the day, and to see their doctors. They've been extremely careful. Then, a couple of weeks ago, her husband had an issue and had to go to the hospital. Because the hospital was already overwhelmed with Covid patients, he became infected. Which meant that when he returned home, my friend became infected. So they are home, alone, struggling to breathe, struggling to get through each day, because people in their area refused to stop going to parties, refused to follow simple protocols to keep one another safe.

So I'm a little pissed off. I'm angry that stubborn, entitled fools feel that their wants should be greater than society's needs. My children want to go to school. They're pissed off, too. Hospital staff are exhausted and probably pissed off. I no longer hold my tongue when I go to the grocery store and see people without masks. I may or may not have yelled at people I see gathered closely in crowds. It doesn't have to be this way.

I'm happy that scientists from all over the world have joined together to develop vaccines that can hopefully help us all find a new normal. That's what human beings are meant to do – work together for the greater good. I don't believe that things will return to what they were but we can find a new way. I don't know what that will be.

I know one thing for sure. One's actions in difficult times tell more about who they are than what they do when times are good. I know who I will welcome back with hugs. I know who can just keep on walking by. 2020's Great Unveiling has made that an easy choice.

Silver Linings...

2020 has been a difficult year for most people I know. I think I should be awarded the Sad Sack trophy for the winner of the worst of it.

Early April – Schools closed. Students were switched to home-schooling. Our city – like so many others – was under quarantine recommendations. We were, fortunately, stocked with toilet paper and hand sanitizer so we missed a great deal of the frenzy.

Mid April – I was furloughed from my job, so I was home to supervise the schooling process. Meanwhile, my husband was not feeling well. We assumed this was indicative of the impending kidney failure and he was weaker by the day. Because of the pandemic, we couldn't actually go see the doctor and had to rely on video chats and a whole lot of guessing.

Early May, we continued to home-school, watching Covid take over the world while the mania took over the US. My husband was not improving so the decision was made to take him to the emergency room. He walked in to the hospital – by himself because no accompaniment was allowed – and was admitted.

Because of the new pandemic situation, there was little to no outside communication and no way to visit outside of video chats. This went on for months. Hospitals, therapy centers, and more hospitals. Over this time, he lost his ability to walk and be independent. I can only imagine how lost and alone he felt through it all.

Meanwhile, at home, kids went into the summer knowing that terrible things were happening out on the streets to people who looked like their friends at the hands of people they were supposed to trust. They were isolated and angry about it. Who could blame them?

During this time, we were met with a dangerous gas leak in our kitchen, various mechanical malfunctions with lawn mower, cars, and miscellaneous machinery. Then my brother died alone in a hospital with no one by his side. I cried Uncle and just didn't think I could take any more of the dark clouds.

Then I took a step back and remembered to look for the silver lining. ALL of the silver linings were there through it all.

• When the kids were seeing civil unrest, they were moved to stand up and speak out. I marched with them and watched them hold their signs high, lead the group in their shouts, and saw that their generation is powerful and will take control to right so many wrongs before them. As their mother, I couldn't have been more proud.

• Friends swarmed around us with offers of assistance so I knew that our family was loved and protected and would be OK. Even strangers (repairmen) who came to our door were kind and swift in their help.

• While processing the loss of my brother without my husband to hold me up, loved ones from near and far swept in to do the job. The rest of my siblings came from all over the country to hug and reminisce and console. Then, in the way that they do, my brothers jumped in to fix the broken things that needed attention. When they returned home, they continue to look after me and make sure I'm okay.

People – some known and some anonymous - have jumped in to keep us nourished, to keep us safe, and to ensure that we feel loved through all of the hurdles thrown our way. They are the reminders that we need in difficult times that Good Is The Rule. It will always prevail.

I won't be sad to see 2020 go. It's been hard on everyone. Friends have been divided politically, economically, and philosophically. But through it all, light shines through. Truth stands strong and goodness always wins.

Sure, I see the clouds. I withstand the clouds. But perhaps now, more than ever, the silver linings shine bright to guide my way. I hope the same for all of you.

Whack-A-Mole...

All of our lives, we're told not to make mountains out of mole hills. That's good advice and I generally agree but do you know what's under mole hills? Mole holes! No one ever warns you about those.

At the moment, I have a clear mountain ahead. That's where my focus lies. Unfortunately, while I'm looking ahead to the mountain, I keep stepping in mole holes.

I'm talking about the literal mole hills that seem to be appearing across my yard. I notice them, of course, but pay them little mind until I step on one. Suddenly, I'm ankle deep in a mole HOLE. Then, I'm reminded of the very real issues before me that are not quite mountains, but still serious.

Over the last few months, while looking at the mountain, I'm overwhelmed by the figurative mole hills: I'm unemployed while keeping my children safe and sane during a pandemic and separation from their dad, a snazzy new appliance that brought a scary gas leak, logistical concerns regarding my husband's care, and, finally, the passing of my beloved brother have all been laid out in front of me. It's a game of real life Whack-A-Mole.

As I say this, I'm reminded that when my kids are playing actual Whack-A-Mole in the arcade, they do much better when they work together. When more than one person has a mallet, those moles don't stand a chance.

I have an army of people who stand behind me with love and hold those big goofy hammers high, ready to whack any mole that rears his head. Knowing that so many people are watching my back *and my ankles) means that my focus can remain on the mountain so it can be properly tackled.

Obviously, my family has been clobbering those little bastards all of my life, Looking beyond them, I see the mob of friends, armed with giant hammers, ready to whack-a-mole.

Thank you army. I love you for so many reasons, but especially for that.

When You Know Better You Do Better...

“When you know better, you do better.” I honestly can't say where I heard this first – maybe my mother, my grandfather, or my grandmother, maybe a stranger on the street – but it's lived in my head most of my life and I have always tried to follow that wisdom. I don't know that I've always succeeded.

I grew up in a time that was far from politically correct. I heard words and witnessed actions that didn't sit well with my heart and that countered the lessons I'd been taught about what was kind, loving, and morally right. These things were swirling around me – violence against people I know and love just because they were unacceptably different in some way. Because their skin wasn't acceptable, the way they love wasn't acceptable, the way they pray wasn't acceptable. That kind of thinking was not acceptable to me.

I thought that was enough. To be a good person, to set an example as a loving, open-hearted person, to live by those rules for myself and to teach my children to live that way should be enough. It's not enough.

If you've been paying attention, you know the world is burning. None of this is new, though. We've had a global pandemic before. Now we have the science and wisdom to properly uncover and address it. Likewise, we now have the technology to see the much bigger human virus – violent racism – with the lens of instant video evidence that allows for people to be held accountable.

Racial injustice certainly is not new. As long as there have been human beings on this planet, there has been a need to rule and instill superiority over other human beings. This is also a global pandemic. It has happened all over the world for centuries and has been accepted by the masses through caste systems, social division, slavery, and so on. Unfortunately, America has perfected this division in its short history. This has never been acceptable to me.

My kids – like ALL kids right now – are paying attention. They see police beating black men just because they're black. They see the man in the white house shrugging his shoulders and doing nothing. They see and hear ignorant responses from the people they are supposed to trust, and they say “This is not acceptable to me!” They're right. It's not acceptable. To them, to me, to anyone with a loving heart.

I'm not a fighter. It's never been in my nature to march or shout or protest. I've always thought it was enough to vote, to step in when I can to defuse a situation, and to remove myself from people who made it clear that they were racist, sexist, homophobic, or generally ignorant. That isn't enough. It's time to shout from the rooftops and demand change. It's time to shout because when you know better, you do better.

As a parent, when my daughters said they wanted to make signs and march, I resisted. I saw the violence in the streets of Atlanta, I said no. I reminded them that we're still fighting a pandemic and need to social distance and protect ourselves. I told them that this is not our fight. I thought that was right. Then I continued to follow the footage and questioned my decision but reasoned that I was protecting them.

Then they told me about a march that was organized by students from our high school. Because of the location – at a suburban shopping center, in the middle of the day -I relented. We went to the march. We shouted. We raised our fists and I saw that we were standing on the right side of history. These kids know what's going on and they've had enough. They're demanding answers, they're demanding to be heard, and they're demanding change for their brothers and sisters, for friends they've known and loved all their lives. They're also reminding those who may disagree with them that they are all on the verge of voting age and that they intend to use that right to invoke change.

Walking away from that protest, we cut through an alley behind a restaurant to get back to the car. In that moment, my white privilege struck me square in the face. I've always known I had it but took it for granted. I told my girls that no one would ever question me for walking down a back alley because of that privilege but reminded them that their Latino dad may not have that experience. They – as Latinas themselves – were more likely to be questioned. We still have a lot of work to do.

So we put on our masks, filled our water bottles, made more signs, and did it again. We marched about three miles to honks and cheers from passersby. My 15 and 11 year old kids led many of the shouts, and my heart swelled with pride. They see the wrongs and want to right them. I've seen the wrongs all my life and was waiting for someone else to right them. Maybe that someone else has come along in the form of my children and their entire generation who has seen enough. They're mad as hell and they're not going to take it anymore.

As for me, I will continue to live and demonstrate love while I help them make signs, drive them to and walk with them in protests as long as they want me by their sides. The mom in me will remind them to drink water, wear comfortable shoes, and to stand up straight. The budding fighter in me will take my own advice while I shout and march with them. Because When You Know Better, You Do Better.