No Fear...

I had a conversation with friends recently that made me consider the way I live – the way I think I’ve always lived. I guess I never realized it was all that unusual. I suppose it is (and I don’t know why I’m surprised that I’d be slightly left of normal).

It all started with a bit of drama in the room in which we were standing. We were all enjoying the band, having a great time, when an unexpected brawl happened. I took a step back, watching what was occurring a couple of feet in front of me. I watched the scene play out – curious about the characters involved, wondered about the catalyst  that led to the moment. I wasn’t afraid. I was curious and interested, but not afraid. In the aftermath, my friends checked on me, making sure I was okay. I said I was fine and mentioned that I was too lazy to be afraid.

Looking back, I think that’s always been my approach in life. It takes fewer muscles to smile than it does to frown. I’m cool with that. I smile because it’s easy, sure, but also because it’s often contagious. That’s a virus I’m happy to spread. I understand that energy breeds energy so it makes sense to me that feeding the positive leaves less nourishment for the negative.

Why would I exhaust myself with anger, sadness, or worry when laughing, chatting, and smiling is more fun? Joy breeds joy. Laughter breeds laughter. Light conversation opens doors to deeper human connections. Strangers become friends. Who doesn’t want more friends?

I know, I know. So many people keep their circles tight and don’t want to let too many others in. “How can you know who to trust? What if they hurt me? What if they let me down?” To that, I say those thoughts are based in fear. I choose happiness over fear. Happiness is based in love and love has no space for negativity. There’s safety in an open heart.

Obviously, I have some responsibility to my open heart. That’s why I also have open eyes and an open mind. If I open my imaginary door to someone who is ill-intentioned or is looking to take advantage, I trust my open eyes and open mind to sense that and see it coming, so I can step away unscathed. So far that has always worked well for me, and I don’t see any reason to stop. I will continue to take the road less travelled. I’ll continue to see the path ahead of me and, if there are snakes or wild animals, I’ll slow down and assess the best route to take while also observing their beauty from a safe distance. Then keep on skipping down the road.

Life delivers plenty of unwelcome scenes. Maybe it’s an unexpected barroom brawl, maybe it’s a fender bender, maybe it’s an illness. Whatever negative thing crosses your path, there’s no room for fear. Greet every day with a pleasant nod, stay focused on your environment, and trust that your smile has more power than you realize and that positivity  is the easiest way to ride through any storm. Skipping and smiling doesn't hurt.

 

Clean Slate...

Nearly every day, I’m reminded that my life is a clean slate and I can write any kind of story I want. I know that to be true. My teenagers don’t require much more than food and water (and gas and concert ticket money). I’ve left town without them twice and returned to a house still standing. Perhaps now is the time to set chalk to that slate. But it’s just not that easy.

Have you ever bought fresh paints and canvas, or new pens and paper and been at a total loss for what to create? That’s where I sit. I know my story is in my power. I know it’s mine to write. But this blank slate is daunting! I been adrift so long – both in life and career – that I don’t even know where to begin and the things that I used to know have changed so much that they don’t recognize me any more than I recognize them!

When trying to return to the work force full time, just getting a foot in the door is tricky. I’ve done so many vastly different things in my work life that it’s hard for anyone who doesn’t know me to understand the voyage that brought me here. One thing I know for sure is that I work hard for anyone who brings me in and there’s very little that I won’t do well. I always find a way.

I think, for most people, moving forward in life is a bit like putting together a puzzle. Flip the pieces, sort the edges, review the photo on the box, and fit the pieces together. For me, my pile of pieces are what fell out of random boxes and I picked the up along my way here. I have no idea what the picture is supposed to be. The pieces don’t fit, so some razoring and the occasional sledgehammer are necessary.

The other day, I was looking for something under the clutter on my dresser and was reminded of this box.  Apparently, when I’m at a fork in the road, I get creative. At one particular “where do I go from here” phase, I got busy with magazines, scissors, and glue and decoupaged everything that was standing still. Most of these things – picture frames, coin banks, whatever – were passed along to others, but I kept the box. 

I think it just screams “ME!” so I kept it. Inside are little trinkets with memories of my life thus far. They’re all very special items that take me back to a time and place to remind me of who I am. Puzzle pieces.

 Perhaps, instead of focusing on the blank slate that stands before me, I need to think about ways to reconfigure the puzzle pieces in a way that makes me fit with the picture on whatever box wants me to climb in.

Or maybe, I’ll just pull out fingerpaints and my slate won’t be blank much longer.

 

Going Into Business...

 

 I told my kids I’m thinking about starting my own business. They asked what kind – what would I sell? I told them I was thinking of a business they really needed to research and learn and that I was going to call it NunYa, MindYown, and StayOuttaMy. That’s the business I want them to inherit. They rolled their eyes as expected but I’m not joking!

I’ve done my best to expose my own kids to the world. We talk about what we see on the news, we talk about their opinions on everything and I’ve encouraged kindness in whatever they do. Since they were born, they’ve been a part of our adult world with a wide variety of people, lifestyles, faiths, and personal and political opinions. I think that is the best way to encourage them to be thinking, loving, well-rounded humans.

In doing this, I’ve also had to teach them that their friends may not have had the advantage of that kind of personal freedom. Not all suburban parents are quite so open hearted and don’t always share the ugly parts with their kids so when in the company of others, it’s best to just leave their ears and hearts open while keeping their mouths shut. That worked out pretty well when they were younger. The teen years are a different story.

Giving anyone – but especially kids – access to cell phones and internet gives them new freedom to explore and express themselves. So they do. If we use any kind of social media, we see it every day. I remind my kids that words don’t go away. Anything said – either out loud or on the internet – lasts forever, Rumors and gossip don’t just go away because you may have changed your opinion of the person about whom you spoke.

When I listen to teenagers talk, I’m mortified by the things I hear. I heard So and So is a rapist, that 18 year old guy is a pedophile because he has a 17 year old girlfriend, I’m pretty sure that dude who left town is in a psych ward, and so on. These are the news reports being broadcast and repeated across the internet, in chat rooms and text messages with no regard for the repercussions of those words. In their young minds, they think they’re doing the right thing when they make these statements – that they’re saving potential victims. They argue that to not say these things is “protecting the bad guy, victim blaming, ignoring what’s happening” or whatever the current babble is.

This is a good time for me to pull out the old advice they always get: there are 3 sides to every story and the truth always lies in the middle. Reporters verify facts and confirm sources before a story is aired. Then I pull out the old Rotary Club statement they’ve heard a thousand times: Is It True? Is It Fair To All Concerned? Will It Build Goodwill? Will It Be Beneficial To All Concerned? If the answer to any of those questions, is No, then keep your mouth (or keyboard) shut and verify your facts before you say anything.

My own kids have been hurt by baseless vicious gossip and friendships have suffered. To this, I say that a true friend would talk TO you, not ABOUT you and when a person is talking about someone else to you, you can be sure they’re talking about you to someone else. It’s a good rule of thumb. Of course, I recognize that saying these things to teens may not be received right away but I trust that they’ll get it sooner or later.

Meanwhile, I’ll keep building and minding my own business and leave the door open for my kids to join me in the offices of NunYa, MindYown, and StayOuttaMy. We’re open 24/7 and are always hiring.