I Have A Net...

I know I’ve been slacking in the blog department but, if you know me you know my hands have been pretty full for the last year and a half.  I’d beg forgiveness but I know there’s no need because you’ve been here with me.  Thank you.

2020 was kind of awful for everyone.  If you’re one of the few who slid through it without scars, I hope you realize your good fortune.  I have plenty of scrapes and bruises, no doubt.  Pieces of my heart are missing.  Still, I know just how lucky I am.

I have never fallen.  Certainly, I have slipped.  I have lost my footing.  But I’ve never truly fallen.

 I have a net.

In the early days of Covid (or our awareness of it), my husband wasn’t feeling well.  He walked into the hospital on his own two feet.  Of course, because of Covid, he was alone.  And he was alone for a very long time after.  While he was alone in one hospital, my brother went alone to another hospital and passed away – alone – in that hospital bed.  My husband wasn’t there – couldn’t be there – to help me through that grief.  I was terribly sad but I was not alone.   I never fell.

My friends and family caught me.  The net they’ve woven only becomes tighter and stronger over time.  As the year marched on and things got better and then got worse, and just continued to fluctuate, every time I looked down from my tightrope, I saw my net.  That gave me the strength and confidence to keep my toes on the rope. 

With each step, things came at me so I had to learn to juggle.  So I juggled.  On the tightrope.  There were blades and flaming sticks and unexpected balls thrown into the mix.  When I looked down, I saw that not only was my net closer and tighter, but it was cheering me on.  Knowing that is what strengthened me.

When I got to the other side of the rope, knowing that my partner would not be there, I stepped down and was caught by this amazing net.  Beyond the net, there was a cheering audience, congratulating me for making it across the distance and raving about my strength.  I’m grateful for the accolades, of course, but I know without a doubt that my strength came from the net.

I’m back on the ground now.  I’m finding my footing.  Some days, things feel shaky.  All I have to do is look over my shoulder and see that my net is always there.  I will not fall.  If I stumble, I will be caught and will be put right back on my feet.  I am safe.  I am loved.  I’m going to be okay because I have a net. I know and love ever fiber of it.